Crete's Corner

FunnyHoneyBunny said:
well some qualities are so centrered around a specific person, that it makes it difficult, to be a general quality.
but no matter how often i thought about it, it always came out the same way.
Nubbys cock

In all seriousness:
I am a "i treat you, how you treat me" guy.
Can't change it. Try to mask it at work, when i have to talk with customers, but it does not always work.
So.. unconditional kindness is helping a LOT.
My wife is always kind. She never gets angry with me ever and i give enough reasons. I am clumsy, i am dumb, i don't have Nubbys cock.
But she never hold anything against me. (unless she is joking.. everything goes in the humor world!)
And the unconditional part is important, because it is not a trade-off as in: "I did something for you, so now YOU have to do something for ME"
Then everything becomes a burden. We don't keep a list.
And i am very aware that she does more than i ever could.. (i keep a list ofc)

So that is it:
unconditional kindness

You can have all the other qualities, if you are an asshole, i will become one in an instant. It would not work.
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When i first moved in i instantly turn into an asshole if she was being an asshole. It's not till the last year or so that I started having more patience and instead of being an asshole I would just lean over and slap the shit out of her. Jk I would rub her hair or hug her and ask what is wrong. Sometimes people are just having a bad day and need kind words.
 
nubbynub76 said:
When i first moved in i instantly turn into an asshole if she was being an asshole. It's not till the last year or so that I started having more patience and instead of being an asshole I would just lean over and slap the shit out of her. Jk I would rub her hair or hug her and ask what is wrong. Sometimes people are just having a bad day and need kind words.
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You seem like the most relaxed and funny guy.
How is that possible?
 
bconcrete said:
So, this has been a little more serious of a thread so far than I originally intended but that's not a bad thing. I'm learning a lot about you picklekissers and I actually kind of like it. I'm sure I'll pivot off into some jokes and rants soon enough. But with my soon to be foray into marriage counseling incoming (newsflash, I'm kind of a handful to live with. Who wouldve guessed that?!), and a conversation with a fellow Junkie it got me thinking today...

Crete Thoughts #5:

What is the most important quality in a loving partnership (marriage, significant other, etc) that your partner needs to have for it to be successful?

Now, please note the wording of the question. I'm looking for ONE quality, not a list. We're all adults and know that a relationship requires so many different things. I'm looking for it boiled down to just ONE. And not for relationships to work in general, what ONE quality do YOU need from your partner more than any other for a relationship to be successful? That's the kind of selection that makes for interesting conversation.

For me it's loyalty. I need a partner who I know has my back through it all. That's in the foxhole with me. That I don't even have to think or wonder, I turn and I know they're there.

It's hard, I'm not a very trusting guy and have been burned real badly by people who said they loved me in the past so I'm always looking over my shoulder. Part of the reason we're going to counseling, I can get in my head, shut down, and then try to solo the world while shutting everyone else out and not communicating a word about it until I explode. And that's what I'd pick for my lady, communication. She will admit she is a god awful communicator, but she needs someone who can tell her where they're at at all times and what issues there are.

So, that's mine. Loyalty. And my lady is communication. What're yours?

(Again, pick just fuckin ONE, don't be a fuckin Melvin and make a list)
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The philosophical answer is the old adage, "the most important thing is whichever essential thing is most lacking".

If you're in a desert without enough water, water is the most important thing. If you have tons of water but don't have adequate shelter, shelter is the most important thing.

In that regard I guess flexibility/adaptability would be my answer? You need a partner who understands you and will work with you and adapt to whatever life throws at your relationship (kids, health, finances, etc)
 
ABB said:
Fuck man.

NGL.

I'm suffering this week. I'm driving all my daughter's stuff up to her dorm in Oregon on Saturday, staying for a few days to help move her in, then coming back without her. I been coming home to this beautiful little girl for 18 years, and in 5 days she's gone.

I'm an absolute mess. Having a hard time keeping it together lately.
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Eugene or Corvallis?
 
ABB said:
The last 2 years all comes to a head this week. It's been a long and drawn out 2 year mid-life crisis.

Is this where I want to be in my life rn? Do I want to be married to this girl anymore? What's the point of all of this, is this what martial happiness is supposed to look like? We parent just fine, there's no reason why we wouldn't be just as effective from separate homes, happens all the time nowadays...

A wild trip to Vegas last year. A period of separation early this year, a new girlfriend, complete devastation to my marriage.

But god fucking dammit I love that girl, we've been together for 25 years, graced all the adult checkpoints together, have 3 kids, bought houses and cars and all that shit, built businesses together at the same time, that's been my absolute partner. She made her mistake too, but when is enough enough. After all the shit you've put her through this year she's still standing by your side, still fighting for it. And you're still inseparable, Joe. After all of the chaos of the past few years and the natural chaos of a relationship you still chose her. And she chose you. You had your opportunity, and took it. A few times too. If you haven't shown yourself what your heart wants, you're fuckin retarded.

The oldest of 3 leaving the nest has helped me put the final stamp on all the questions I've had for a few years, all the doubts I've encountered. There are no more questions, no more doubts about who my person is.

To answer that What's the point of all this question: this. This is it. Another one of life's long term processes coming to a close, or rather being altered dramatically, and all being experienced with the one you love the most. Elle's struggling with this even more, her daughters are her best friends, they are life long companions. Middle daughter has it the hardest, that's her absolute best friend, they do everything together, they pepper volleyball in the front yard every night, she's been crying for weeks. So I gotta keep it together and be there for them. They are my people, and that's the end of this self imposed mid-life crisis. And the end of my rant.
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It was a good rant!


For what it's worth my brother in law was going thru something similar 2 years ago. He'd constantly call me and ask me what to do and I would always be like, "dude, this isn't deciding between two shirts you like... these are MAJOR life altering events that you can't outsource to me or anyone else but yourself".

He ended up doing a lot of the same things you referenced and also ended up at the same point you did with a recommitment. The last time we talked he asked me what I thought about it and my answer was simply, "I'm glad you put your foot down and made a decision". He tried to do the, "do you think I made the right decision" and the only response is, "it doesn't matter what I think, what matters is if you believe you made the right decision"

Best of luck going forward and good on you for putting your foot down and making a decision.
 
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Perseverance

I question the notion that we are meant to be with the same person for 50+ years sometimes, but the idea of navigating this complicated thing we call life with any other person makes me question how I could not expect 50+. We are at year 28 total, 26 married. It has not been easy. We have discussed the D word. Times have been tough. Accusations have been thrown both ways. Trust has been tested. Tears have been shed. Shouts have been shared. Never real insults. Never violence. Never making the final choice to end. That takes a tremendous amount of perseverance. To simply not make the choice to quit each other.

We also have 2 amazing almost adult children. We have a shared passion for many things, like travel and live music and football and hockey and books and movies and making fun of random strangers. We can laugh at each other without making the other feel self-conscious. We can grab ass in public (I am the only one who jumps). We are of the same mind financially. We love to help people. We love to dance together. She is strong where I am weak and vice versa.

So, I love the answers all of you gave about what it takes, and there was a time in my life that I would have chosen any of them, but to make it work, truly make it work in today's society of disposable everything, especially relationships, making the choice to to stay and work hard to rectify wrongs and compromise and trust and be loyal and literally live the creed of "Til death do us part" and MEAN it takes perseverance more than any other trait available because every other one of those traits will get tested on a long enough timeline, so what will you do when that happens? Persevere or quit?

Quitting is easy.
 
osubuckeye4 said:
It was a good rant!


For what it's worth my brother in law was going thru something similar 2 years ago. He'd constantly call me and ask me what to do and I would always be like, "dude, this isn't deciding between two shirts you like... these are MAJOR life altering events that you can't outsource to me or anyone else but yourself".

He ended up doing a lot of the same things you referenced and also ended up at the same point you did with a recommitment. The last time we talked he asked me what I thought about it and my answer was simply, "I'm glad you put your foot down and made a decision". He tried to do the, "do you think I made the right decision" and the only response is, "it doesn't matter what I think, what matters is if you believe you made the right decision"

Best of luck going forward and good on you for putting your foot down and making a decision.
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I don't do the whole Do you think I made the right decision bullshit. If I make a decision and execute it then that doesn't matter, I'm all-in already. Then it's body count t time boyeeeeee
 
Trig said:
Nice following in the Monica Lewinski tracks huh. I have done quite a bit of work on that campus. Its pretty nice
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I didn't know that slut went there. watch it pal!!!

she got recruited to their volleyball team and a massive scholarship. aside from that I don't like the school much, we ain't peas and carrots. my daughter was showing me some posts from other kids in the dorm "looking for protest mates." luckily she carries apiece of me to that clown show, before I could begin my protest faggot rant she said "Don't worry dad that's not me."

Atagirl.
 
ABB said:
I didn't know that slut went there. watch it pal!!!

she got recruited to their volleyball team and a massive scholarship. aside from that I don't like the school much, we ain't peas and carrots. my daughter was showing me some posts from other kids in the dorm "looking for protest mates." luckily she carries apiece of me to that clown show, before I could begin my protest faggot rant she said "Don't worry dad that's not me."

Atagirl.
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Funnily both my girls have become FAR more conservative after going to University. All those years of pointing out hypocrisy from both sides has really paid off.

The one had a trans professor that took the entire first day to tell them why the color white was racist. Not white people. Not White robes. White. you know, the absence of color? 16 of them filed a complaint, lol.

The other took a women's literature class for one of her few electives run by a femNazi and used to call me after and laugh and laugh about her hatred of men and the rants they would go on.

I love how extremists can turn people away from their goals.
 
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